One of the greatest compliments I have ever received was from a friend who said “You really seem to know who you are.” That phrase often returns to me, like an affirmation. “I know who I am, I know who I am…” It meant especially much because these words came from another Sensitive Soul, who truly “gets it.” She’s a gifted artist, a breathtaking poet, and she really knows herself too.
I channeled those words earlier this month when I planned my birthday. In early August I looked ahead and blocked my birthday from my schedule, unsure of how I’d spend it, but certain it wouldn’t be at work. A knowing part of me understood I needed the day clear.1
Shortly after, I received a daily email from one of my favorite poets, where she casually mentioned a “Writing the Body Poetry Playshop.” She was collaborating with another incredible woman. Reading through, I saw it was held on my birthday, a random (to everyone else) Tuesday, that I already had open. I signed up immediately.
As my birthday drew closer, I got more and more excited, not only about the writing playshop but about how I was curating a day just for myself, my truest self, to really, deeply enjoy. A “me” themed birthday, you might say.
I awoke the morning of my birthday, to a sweet card from my Love, signed also by Jeffrey cause he’s such a good son, an album I’ve been longing for, and an accopella Happy Birthday song from my parents. My morning was slow, coffee and breakfast before logging on for the writing “playshop.”
“Why am I here?” the first prompt of the day invited.
This is my birthday gift to myself. Me and this body, rounding a corner, the final legs before 40. So many hopes have become “no’s” and so many surprises have become “Oh, thank God’s”- so isn’t it well that I befriend her wildly now? So that she and I can round this corner. Walking into the sunset like two lovers with the rest of our lives to figure each other out.
Followed by “Why did I almost not come?”
“If my productive self had been at the helm, I’d be with my clients, bashfully admitting I chose to work on my birthday. Thank God my playful, more attuned self sees today as mine.”
I moved through the day drinking my favorite autumn-flavored tea, snuggling under a heated blanket, listening to my new record over lunch, and taking a little nap with Jeffrey during one of the writing breaks. That night I had my favorite Indian food with Michael and my parents, followed by peanut butter chocolate cake, made by my mother.
It was really and truly the perfect day for me. I’m curious to see what comes in this year for me. Thirty-seven held so much. In past years, I’ve given a list of all the things I learned, correlating with the age I was becoming, or leaving behind. While I’m sure I’ve learned at least thirty-seven things over the past year, that feels like too many to name. But, 3 plus 7 is ten, so let me tell you my 10 takeaways from the last year.
When nothing feels stable, get out of your head. Either turn all the way in, to your own deep knowing, or all the way out, to the earth, people, and animals around you.
It’s okay to disappoint others. In fact, it’s necessary. It’s okay to be disappointed too. It’s okay to change your dreams or to release them altogether. It’s okay to let disappointment exist and to nurse it well until it moves on.
Sometimes, falling in love with the same person has to happen over and over as they evolve, and as you evolve, too. Try to let your hearts reintroduce periodically.
My intuition is never wrong. Yours is never wrong either.
Sometimes the generation that raised us had to hold back the flood so we wouldn’t be swept away. If they seem exhausted, scared, or burdened, it might be because of everything they’ve worked to shield us from.
There is the reality of what’s happening and then there is the story we tell ourselves about it.
Our resentment is our own responsibility. No matter what, resentment can and will only be washed away by ourselves.
SLOW DOWN. Write. It’s a dance between your soul and the world around you.
Nobody will ever take your health or well-being as seriously as you must. Not your doctors, as well-meaning as they are. Not even your therapist. We are responsible for this incredible organism we’ve been given, and we must do our very best to care well for ourselves- and that is unique for each of us.
You don’t have to do something just because you’re good at it. In fact, that might be a wonderful reason to abandon it. You must live your life for YOU, not anyone else.
You can find me here every week, telling you more about all the things I’m learning.
Thank you for each and every message, text, and post on my birthday. And extra thank you for not a single person calling me on the phone, because dear God do I have phone call anxiety.
It’s important to note that my birthday festivities spanned a few days. Michael took me to a lovely Italian dinner and a romantic post-pasta walk. Lateka did a card pull for me, a glance at the year ahead, and surprise surprise it said I needed to prioritize rest. Brooke brought me the most gorgeous dahlias from her garden, it felt like endless love.
I look forward to these every Wednesday. And cannot tell you how many of your lessons I needed to hear this morning 💕 Thanks for sharing you, with us all.