Act As If

Until You Are

Teaching graduate courses at my alma mater was one of the most treasured experiences of my career. I was given a group of around 30 graduate students, all pursuing their Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. “Baby Counselors” they would often call themselves.

The course I loved most centered around teaching these students how to think through ethical dilemmas, understand and implement the core competencies of our field, show up with clients authentically, and be really amazing, thoughtful, confident, and competent counselors. As you can imagine, I was incredibly effective and very good at teaching this course. I brought in guest lecturers in specialty areas and ended the semester with a guest panel of some of my favorite people, each sharing honestly and openly about the field.

The course was pure alchemy, a magic born from the curiosity and open hearts of my students, and my deep, unrelenting love for them and the work of therapy.

The last year I taught this course, some of my sweet beloved students shared at graduation what they had gleaned from our time together.¹ What they each mentioned was something short, powerful, and sweet we had talked about in passing (so I thought) that resonated deeply in their hearts.

I was asked in a class if we were just supposed to “fake it until we make it” when it came to building confidence in our work. I jumped at the opportunity to share how much I hated the phrase “fake it till you make it.” “There is nothing fake about your efforts, and there is nothing fake about your practice.”

I shared that I far preferred the idea of “acting as if until we are.” I am going to embody what and how I’d like to be until it’s natural for me. There is nothing fake about the compassion we pour out for clients or the interpretations we offer to them even if we’re still learning.

There is nothing fake about showing up confidently because you desire to be confident in your new job. Acting as if, until we are feels like embodiment to me. We are embodying and practicing for where we are headed, knowing that in so many ways, we are already there.

Your efforts, no matter how small, how short, or how initial are all just as sacred as the wise sage, who instinctively knows how, when, and what.

Your one day of sobriety, self-compassion, or vulnerability is just as real as someone else’s month, year, or decade.

When we label our beginner work as fake, we are less likely to ask for help too. We are less likely to admit our own limitations, scope, or inability. If, however, we know we are learning, acting as if, and attempting to embody, there is safety there. The fear of being found out as “fake” or an imposter doesn’t exist. We are simply learners who are learning, triers who are trying, and humans who are humaning. ²

The beauty of ‘act as if, until you are’ is that it grounds you in the humble reality of the present, encouraging you to continue your practice and embodiment without diminishing the sanctity of every small step in your progress.

“Fake it until you make it,” asks the question “How can I appear as if I know what I am doing?”

“Act as if, until you are,” asks the question “What is the next right thing to do to continue becoming who I want to be?”

What my treasured students may not have known is that I was embodying ‘act as if, until you are’ while teaching them. I had been handed the course a couple of years prior with little notice, revamped the syllabus to make more sense to me and what I could teach, and then I trusted myself. I trusted that if I was honest in my work, authentic in my offering, and genuine in my commitment to the course and my students, then we’d be okay. From the feedback on my course surveys, it appears it was a life-changing experience for many of my students. And I will proudly own that feedback.³

So my invitation to you, if it isn’t clear yet, is to retire the phrase “fake it till you make it” and embody the truth of how real your efforts are. To find compassion for yourself and to act as if, because you actually already are.

1. Some of these students requested that I be the keynote speaker for their graduation that year, but the faculty informed them that I wasn't eligible because I was a full-time university employee. I share this because our words, no matter how small, will find their way to the stages and ears they are meant to, whether or not we are gatekept from those places. So speak your truth, own your story, share your wisdom, and champion yourself.

2. “Humaning” isn’t a real word. But I am going to act as if it is.

3. Every year I taught this course, there was at least one written comment on course surveys that said I “clearly had favorite students” and wouldn’t you know they were right, and those “favorites” are close friends of mine now. I own that too.