Standard Acts of Body Love

How to love a disappointing form.

I’m still nursing the conclusion of a cold that turned into an upper respiratory infection. It’s been a tremendous act of patience on my part. I’d love to tell you it’s taught me so much, or caused me to realign sacredly with my body, but I’d be lying.

It’s reminded me that my body and I are in constant collaboration - whether I like it or not. But it hasn’t offered me some gentle or poetic appreciation.

And that’s okay.

One of the most powerful things I’ve learned in my own journey with my body - and in becoming a body image specialist - is that we don’t get to opt out of having a relationship with our body. But we do get to decide what kind of relationship we’re in.

So the question becomes: how do we relate to a body that’s disappointing us?

Maybe that disappointment stems from a change in functionality. Maybe we can’t do as much as we used to. Perhaps our body won’t do that thing we want it to do: set a record, win the match, get pregnant, heal faster, not age. Maybe there’s more of us physically than there used to be. Maybe recovery takes longer. Maybe we feel less regulated, less strong.

The way to relate in that disappointment is through truth and neutrality. We remind ourselves what’s true, and we leave it at that.

This is where what I call “Standard Acts of Body Love” come in.

These are the behaviors and care we offer to our bodies - out of loyalty to a love we know is possible - even on days when disappointment abounds.

I thought of this framework in parallel to a concept from couples research: in a secure relationship, we still offer the standard acts of love, even when we’re in conflict. If we always text our partner when we land, we still do that, even when we’re upset. If we always bring them a cup of coffee when we make our own, we don’t skip it just because we’re feeling distant.

We don’t withhold what’s become our standard, not because everything is perfect, but because we believe that intimacy, harmony, and peace are possible, even if not present right now.

Translated into our relationship with our bodies, this means: we care for them out of love even on days we don’t like them.

We still nourish ourselves. Still drink water. Still protect our bodies. Still rest them, still move them. Still allow touch, pleasure, and love to come through our physical form - even when we wish the circumstances were different.

This commitment to continued care, even in neutrality or frustration, signals to us that we trust ourselves to return to love. That rhythm, the allowance of many ways of being in relationship with our body, is the foundation of body reclamation.

I was surprised to learn, after posting a poll on Instagram recently, that so many of you are most interested in body image workshops. It’s heartening. It tells me that we’re collectively ready for a more honest, flexible, and loving relationship with these bodies of ours.

While my next body image offering is still in the works, I’d love to know if you want to be the first to hear when registration opens. You can just comment or send me a note, I’ll make sure you’re on the list.

In the meantime, you might ask yourself:

• What are my standard acts of body love, even when I’m frustrated or disconnected?

• What kind of relationship do I want to be in with my body?

• Where am I still withholding care, and what might shift if I didn’t?

Let these questions move slowly through you. You don’t need to answer them all at once. Just begin by noticing the way you show up, and the ways you might want to stay, even when it’s hard.