Michael and I have a 10.5-year age gap. It’s just enough to have some very distinct cultural differences, but not so much that we’ve lived in alternate realities. This difference is most apparent when we talk about movies. He’ll reference a movie, and I’ll say “I’ve never seen it” and then he’ll scoff at me in disbelief and say something like “Are you kidding me? How have you never seen it?” and then he’ll usually go straight to Youtube to find the most compelling clip he can, and show my why, it is, indeed, a classic.
I won’t give the exhaustive list of films he’s had to introduce me to, because it’s a little embarrassing. However, I will say, when he showed me Uncle Buck, I said “Are you kidding me? How have I never seen this? This is a perfect film!” and I stand by that assessment. Shortly after, he said, “If you liked that, wait until you see Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.” In my defense, these two movies were released when I was 3 and 1, respectively.
I remember when he showed me Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. It’s silly, it’s absurd. It’s Steve Martin and John Candy. What is there not to love? My favorite dialogue in the movie is when Martin’s character (Neal Page) has just laid into Candy’s character (Del Griffith). Telling him how awful, self-centered, rude, and oblivious he is. And Del responds with this:
“You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.”
I. Like. Me. In the middle of that silly film, I was moved. I have thought about that scene many times and shared the example with my clients more times than they probably would prefer. I love it. It’s an incredible picture of true and deep positive self-regard. It’s aware… “sure I talk and listen too much.” It’s gentle and honest… “what you see is what you get.” But the part that sticks with me most is “I like me.” He’s deeply rooted in and accepting of his absurdity and I think there’s something to admire in that.
I happen to like me too. I like my quirks and my imperfections. I like the very specific things I become interested in, and I like that I lose interest with a fair amount of ease. I like how everything matters to me. I like that I insist on clarifying Michael and I are 10.5 years apart, instead of just saying 10. I like how sensitive I am. I like how I struggle to eat food when it’s the wrong temperature or that loud music makes me want to leave. I like that I need the fitted sheet to be tightened and smoothed before bed, and I like that I can give you a hug that will make you feel loved to your deepest core. I like that I’m a great listener, and I like that sometimes I don’t listen at all.
It’s a relief to decide we like ourselves. And sure, if you are doing or being things that are harmful to yourself or your community, it’s worth reflecting to see if those things should change, but I do think you can even start to like the part of you that notices the needed change. Or to like the part of you that is willing and open to that awareness.
A silly little poem about liking ourselves:
I am not special, nor are you.
You are so special, and so am I.
I’ll die, you’ll die, we’ll all die!
Ice cream!!
But while we’re here, why not like ourselves? What’s the alternative?
And when I like me. I end up liking you too.
I have not seen Plane, Trains, and Automobiles but you’ve compelled me!
I like me too!
This made me smile this morning. It’s so nice when you can befriend your self and really like who you are! Thanks for sharing!