“Which contract with fear are you still honoring?”
That question actually made me laugh out loud, not because the question is funny, but because of a conversation I had at my dentist office 2 weeks ago.
My hygienist asked me “are you ready to start dating again?” My response was…”No! Never! If Jesus himself came down in the flesh and told me he had someone for me, I would tell him I would think about it, but no!”
I guess that’s a pretty huge contract with fear. The fear is that I cannot live through losing and burying another husband, so I will never let myself love again.
I cannot ever in my wildest dreams imagine being intimate with someone other than Steve, so I’ll stay big so no one will be attracted to me!
Even as I type all that it seems like a good plan. But, after reading your post I can see all of it for what it is, fear, vows and lies that give me a false sense of security.
Damn.
And…
Maybe I can start by just being a tiny bit open…
Your writing matters so much. Thank you once again for choosing to put your words out in the world. They are changing lives!
Thank you so much for sharing this with such honesty and heart. I laughed at the dentist story and then felt the full weight of what you’ve been carrying. The way you named that contract , with clarity, with humor, and with tenderness, took my breath away. Of course it feels like a good plan. Of course fear can feel like protection when it’s wrapped around something as deep as grief and love.
That small “maybe” you landed on… it’s everything. You don’t owe anyone a leap, but the willingness to be just a little open is so sacred. I’m honored that this piece could meet you right there.
There are few areas more tender for me than fear and it's presence in my life. I'm just beginning to unwrap how it infiltrates everything. I needed this post and still do. It will continue to sit in my inbox but I wanted to thank you before I forget. ❤️
I've been trying to take small steps in this area. Recognizing the fear, and choosing to act in faith and love despite it. But I think I would do well to name the contracts with fear more specifically and also the message that Love simultaneously has for me. I imagine it will probably take some time to learn to see those messages.
Tender is such a perfect word for how it feels to be in relationship with fear. My hope for you - and my energy sent to you - is that LOVE will be so loud that its messages will drown out all others. May it be so.
“Which contract with fear are you still honoring?”
That question actually made me laugh out loud, not because the question is funny, but because of a conversation I had at my dentist office 2 weeks ago.
My hygienist asked me “are you ready to start dating again?” My response was…”No! Never! If Jesus himself came down in the flesh and told me he had someone for me, I would tell him I would think about it, but no!”
I guess that’s a pretty huge contract with fear. The fear is that I cannot live through losing and burying another husband, so I will never let myself love again.
I cannot ever in my wildest dreams imagine being intimate with someone other than Steve, so I’ll stay big so no one will be attracted to me!
Even as I type all that it seems like a good plan. But, after reading your post I can see all of it for what it is, fear, vows and lies that give me a false sense of security.
Damn.
And…
Maybe I can start by just being a tiny bit open…
Your writing matters so much. Thank you once again for choosing to put your words out in the world. They are changing lives!
Thank you so much for sharing this with such honesty and heart. I laughed at the dentist story and then felt the full weight of what you’ve been carrying. The way you named that contract , with clarity, with humor, and with tenderness, took my breath away. Of course it feels like a good plan. Of course fear can feel like protection when it’s wrapped around something as deep as grief and love.
That small “maybe” you landed on… it’s everything. You don’t owe anyone a leap, but the willingness to be just a little open is so sacred. I’m honored that this piece could meet you right there.
There are few areas more tender for me than fear and it's presence in my life. I'm just beginning to unwrap how it infiltrates everything. I needed this post and still do. It will continue to sit in my inbox but I wanted to thank you before I forget. ❤️
I've been trying to take small steps in this area. Recognizing the fear, and choosing to act in faith and love despite it. But I think I would do well to name the contracts with fear more specifically and also the message that Love simultaneously has for me. I imagine it will probably take some time to learn to see those messages.
Tender is such a perfect word for how it feels to be in relationship with fear. My hope for you - and my energy sent to you - is that LOVE will be so loud that its messages will drown out all others. May it be so.
May it be so.